Musings of a Mom

When we first became parents, Hubby and I tried to be organized with the items that Jill needed whenever we were out of the house. We kept the diaper bag stocked and kept a backup bag in our car. As our kids have grown we have found ourselves giving them more responsibility for making sure they take their belongings with them whenever we leave the house.

We seem to have fallen into a routine that may sound familiar to at least some of you.  About a half an hour before we leave I say, “Kids, put your socks and shoes on, go to the bathroom and get your things together.” They hear, “Kids, keep playing and completely ignore me.” Fifteen minutes before we leave I yell, “Are your socks and shoes on?”  To which they reply, “Why, are we going somewhere?” At the time set for leaving our house, I walk to the door and listen to the kids yell, “Wait, I need to find something to take with me!” or “Don’t leave yet!  I need to put my shoes on!” No matter what I do, this is the pattern.

Hubby and the kids take martial arts classes and the pattern usually only differs in the items they take and that they have a uniform to put on. The other night Hubby came home and got dressed for class. The kids were at the fifteen-minute point so they made the mad-dash uniform change and when all was said and done we raced out the door for a quick dinner and then off to class. Imagine the laughs that ensued when the kids discovered that in Hubby’s hurry to get out of the house he put his pants on backwards and left his jacket at home! (Yes, yes, gi for those of you martial artists out there.)

With all of my planning and organizing it seems as parents we forget things too. Yes, I have to admit I’ve left things behind too. Parenting takes patience. Oh, and lots of to-do and to-bring lists too!

As a parent there are some days when we know we are doing our best, some days when we aren’t sure of ourselves and some days when we just can’t seem to handle anything right.  The nice thing to know is that our kids have those days too.

I was reminded last week that “some” is a very vague term.  Using the word opened me up to potential manipulation by my firstborn.  One of Jill’s jobs is to fold her own laundry and put it away.  So last week I said, and this quote is important, “Jill, you have some clothes to fold.”  A little later I noticed that she had folded three shirts and left the rest and so I reminded her that she still had some clothes to fold.  About an hour passed and I noticed that the clothes were still in a pile on the couch so I said, “Jill, you haven’t folded your clothes.” She said with a smile on her face, “You said to fold some clothes, so I did.  See.  I folded some clothes.”  Oh, how I love that she’s a bright girl, but oh, how I loathe that she tries to use it against me.  Of course I am her parent and of course I was not going to let her get away with this so I said, “Well, then I guess you lose Wii and DS privileges for some days.”  Boy did that smirk fall off her face quick.  She knew it was the wrong thing to do but she felt the need to test and see what she would get away with.  She tried arguing her case but that just made matters worse. 

Later that night she got into trouble with her father and so he made it a restriction of all electronics - no TV, radio or any other gadget she has access to.  He gave her a restriction time of a week but my restriction was an open-ended one.  So she went through the week and obeyed the restrictions.  She begged for time off for good behavior and even did extra jobs around the house to get time taken off of Dad’s restriction and she asked how long some meant to me.  Now, I’m not hard-hearted but I know a test when I see one, so I explained that as a family we are a team and everybody has a job to do to help the team. 

Now, here’s the important part of this drama.  Jill was over at my sister’s house this weekend and my sister offered to let Jill play with her Nintendo DS and Jill explained that she was on “electronic restriction.”  My sister was telling me that Jill stuck to the restriction even though she wasn’t at home (and I’m sure my sister told her that the rules didn’t apply at auntie’s house according to auntie) and my sister asked what Jill did.  At first I couldn’t remember until my sister said, “Jill wasn’t sure when it ended.  She just said that it would last some days and you hadn’t decided how long some was.” 

I have to say, I’m proud of Jill for not breaking her restriction and I’m happy that she appears to have gotten the message.  It just doesn’t pay to test Mom, or at least don’t do it with a grin. 

 A friend of mine was recently telling me how frustrated she’s been that her 13-year-old son hasn’t been taking responsibility for his actions. She said he won’t get his homework done on time and then blames his parents, his teacher or anyone else he can think of. During the conversation I said the fateful words: “I know it’s coming, but I’m hoping we don’t have to go through it.” 

Two days later I was picking my son up from daycare when he loudly announced, “Mom, the WORST part of my day was DAD forgot my blanket!” Then when we got home and saw my husband my son said, “Dad the WORST part of my day was YOU forgot my blanket!” To which my husband replied: “I’m sorry about that, but someone else forgot your blanket too.” My son didn’t say anything so I thought I’d try and be helpful by saying “Who went to school with Dad this morning?” My son said in a very low voice “I….am….not….answering that.” Boy, without knowing the law, my son has claimed the Fifth Amendment. So much for teaching kids responsibility.