Musings of a Mom

My kids are driving me bonkers!  It’s the halfway point of summer and they are bouncing off the walls.  This has been a busy summer with lots of activity and still they act like they have been caged up for months.

One thing I don’t have a problem with is my kids saying “I’m bored.”  My kids have always been pretty good about entertaining themselves and I find it interesting to hear my friends complain about their children claiming to be bored.  Last summer Jill overheard one of my friends talking about the issue and Jill decided to try the phrase out and see what happened.  She found out quickly that it was not a good idea.  Our conversation went something like this:

            Jill:  Mom, I’m bored.

            Me:  Really?  You can’t think of ANYTHING to do?

            Jill:  No.

            Me:  Do you want me to think of something for you?

            Jill:  Yes.

            Me:  Are you sure about that?

            Jill:  (Thinks for a moment first.) Yes.

            Me:  Well, you can dust, sweep, fold some clothes, clean the toilets –

            Jill:  Never mind.  I’ll think of something myself.

            Me:  I thought so.

This summer they haven’t said “I’m bored,” and they don’t seem to be other than they seem to be tired of each other.  It’s the typical sibling rivalry really.  They start out playing and get louder and something comes up and suddenly they are arguing.  The funny thing is everyone I’ve talked to this week has said the same thing: “My kids are driving me nuts!  I can’t wait for school to start!”

To everyone out there experiencing the same, may we all survive the rest of summer.

 Kids are smart. As a parent I have to try to stay one step ahead of my kids which is not easy even when they’re young.

I remember as a kid trying to talk my parents into things but I don’t remember using their words against them or purposely trying to manipulate them. Now if you ask them they probably have a different view but this is my blog and I think I was pretty angelic. My parents can start their own blog if they so choose, But I’m getting sidetracked here, so I’ll get back to the point.

My children are manipulative! They think they are smart but I’ve caught them. I’ve heard them manipulating their grandparents by saying things like “But I’m your favorite granddaughter.”  (Jill’s their only granddaughter.)  But manipulating their parents? That’s awful!

We were taking Jill out for a special evening because she had passed a big test. Yes, this is summer.  No, it didn’t have anything to do with school, but it is something she had been working on for more than a year and so we were celebrating. We let her pick her favorite restaurant (and let me tell you Jill has expensive taste.) and we got dressed up to go. Jill has grown over the summer so it was difficult to figure out what to wear as she’s outgrown her shoes. The outfit she chose was black and the dress shoes that fit were either brown or white. She wanted to wear the brown and I told her to wear the white (trust me on this - if you really need to know why leave a comment and I’ll reply). In our arguing, I said that the brown didn’t make sense with the black, A few minutes later she came out of her room with the white shoes on and said “Mom, the white shoes just don’t make sense with the black outfit.” Then she looked at what I was wearing and said, “Is that top purple? I just don’t think it makes sense with black pants.”

Today it was Jack’s turn. He knew he was in trouble for having toys spread throughout the house but still he came trying to get me to buy more. He approached me in such an innocent way. “Mom,” he said, ”what’s the store with the name of a day in it?” I told him the name and then he said asked “Did you say you wanted to take me there?” Um, that would be a big N-O right now.

These kids may know how to work their grandparents but they’re going to have to work harder on dear old Mom and Dad. I have to admit though that there is a part of me that thinks, “Hey, that was pretty smart” when they do try. So please wish me luck in not falling for their traps, I think I’m going to need all the help I can get.

 Young children are constantly learning. They learn through play, through observation and through listening. I love catching those little moments when a child discovers something new and tries it for himself. I especially love when kids hear new words and then try to use the word in conversation. Sometimes the attempts are successful and sometimes they are not but at least the child is trying.

Last night Hubby took Jack to swim lessons and when they got back I asked how the lesson went. Jack said, “It was horrible! I accidentally swallowed some water and it went down into my ecosystem!”

Jack’s comment reminded me of a time when Jill was little and we were celebrating Easter with her grandparents. Jack and Jill both said “Happy Easter” and Jill proudly added “and Happy Pass Away!”

Hey, she was trying.

When Jack and Jill were toddlers they loved to play with remote controls. Jill started playing with the TV remote one day and changed the settings. Hubby and I played around with the thing to try to reset it and we even resorted to reading the manual but we never could figure out how to change the settings back. Instead, we did the next logical thing - we adjusted ourselves to the new settings. We also got some non-functioning remotes and let her play with them.

At one point Jill showed interest in the computer keyboard and my mother-in-law supplied Jill with a cordless keyboard that she could play with. You may be thinking, why not steer her in another direction? We have learned two things about kids: 1) they are curious and if you take something away it becomes more fascinating (or sometimes they actually forget about it) and 2) if it won’t hurt them, find a way to let them have it so that they can explore and learn. Jill knew her alphabet by sight at age 2 ½ and she knew the placement on the keyboard by age 3.

So now they are older and still fascinated with gadgets. They also like to emulate the people around them and I was recently given a better understanding of what I do with my time.  I obviously spend more time on the phone than I thought. In my defense though, I work from home and my work sometimes requires me to be on the phone and then of course, there are the calls from my mom, my sister and friends. Well, yes, I use the phone but back to the kids…

My kids recently won a couple of calculators as prizes. Instead of using the calculators to add or subtract Jack and Jill opted to pretend they were cell phones. The kids would wander through the house talking to imaginary friends or to each other. They took their “phones” in the car and my husband and I would hear two separate conversations being conducted behind us. The kids even took their phones to swim lessons. The swim teacher asked if we had bought the kids I Phones! Once Jill noticed that her father was listening to her conversation she said, “Excuse me but there’s a little thing called privacy.”

Now I know I don’t say things like that and neither does my husband but it’s scary to see the glimpses of teen attitude quickly approaching. All I can say is that we’ll do our best to enjoy the kids’ childhood while bracing ourselves for the future and we’ll continue to watch what we say when we’re on the phone. It’s pretty sobering to hear your child say, “Oh, hold on while I get rid of this other call” and then pretend to use call-waiting.

When my sister and I were kids we fought like cats and dogs.  Our mom would say, “You should be nice to each other. One of these days you’ll be best friends.” And we would answer back that there was NO way we would ever be friends. Now we’re adults and if you’ve been reading my blog then you know that Mom was right. 

Jack and Jill are still young enough to enjoy playing together. Don’t get me wrong, they fight with each other too. But they’re still at an age where there’s more time spent playing than fighting. Plus it helps that Jack thinks Jill walks on water.

Since Jack was just a little guy (because he’s such a big guy now) he’s loved to copy whatever Jill does. He has his own interests but he also likes to do the things she loves. He’s played her games, tried the same sports and watches the same movies. 

Jill is used to having a following though. When she was still in daycare she was the only girl among a group of younger boys. These boys too thought she was someone to idolize. I still hear stories from the other parents of how their boys wanted to be princesses because Jill thought she was a princess. She did tell them that they had to be princes, but that was just not enough. They wanted to be just like her.

One day Jack had a growth spurt and his shoes suddenly didn’t fit. Out of desperation, we pulled out a pair of Jill’s old tennis shoes for him to wear to daycare. He told the boys who the shoes’ previous owner was and the boys spent the day telling Jack how lucky he was. From what I hear, they also spent a lot of time that day staring at Jack’s feet.

Now Jack is a bit older but he still admires his big sister. So this weekend I took him to get a new pair of swim goggles and instead of choosing a pair in his favorite color, he opted for a pair just like Jill’s. He was so happy and when he showed her the goggles he proudly said, “Now we can be goggle twins!” Jill, however, was a bit miffed. She is now at an age where she wants her own identity and is struggling to see that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. I must say though, she’s not completely put off when he copies her. She chalks it up to his being little and figures he’ll grow out of it, which, of course, he will. That is the point when the fighting will occur on a more regular basis and I will start telling them that they should be nice to each other because hopefully when they grow up they’ll be best friends too.

When I was a kid my family used to go camping a lot. Many times they were spur-of-the-moment trips with things left behind (like the tent pole, some of the sleeping bags and various other items.) As time went by sleeping in tents evolved into sleeping in a trailer and now my parents opt to rough it by renting cabins.

Early on in our relationship my husband informed me that when he is on vacation he does not want to work, therefore we would stay in hotels versus camping because camping is work. I was quick to jump on board with that way of thinking. Ironically, many a vacation has been spent working on our house.

Last week my parents informed us that they were going camping and were taking Jill with them (they take her every year) and asked if Jack and Hubby and I would like to join them for the weekend. Hubby and I decided we would do this for the kids and so we packed up the van and off we went.

The campsite is a three-hour drive from our home and so every few minutes Jack asked, “Are we there yet?” or “When will we be there?” Jack still doesn’t have a good understanding of time so we had to explain in terms he could grasp, “We’ll be there in 12 Sponge Bobs.” “Six more Sponge Bobs to go!” We had plenty of things available to entertain him but he was anxious to get there. He was excited about fishing with grandpa for the first time.

As we approached the campgrounds, Jack started yelling, “Look at the nature! It’s nature!  Look!” On one side of the road was a lake and on the other side was a water treatment plant. Of course, while Jack was yelling about nature, he was looking at the trees surrounding the water treatment plant. When we explained that we were in the forest, he just said, “Really?” 

Jack was so excited about being in nature that the first thing he wanted to do was go swim in the pool. Yes, this campground has a pool so that you don’t swim in the lake, at least that’s my theory. He did eventually go in a row boat on the lake and then came back and threw up. He never did go fishing. He did, however, spend some time collecting rocks in the “hall” behind our cabin. 

The kids had a great time and want to go back. If Jack was that excited over this version of camping imagine what he’d be like sleeping in a tent in the middle of nowhere!

Most kids are afraid of the dark and my children are no exception. They like to have a nightlight on and we allow it. My kids have the tendency to wake up in the middle of the night and relocate. They may move to another part of their room and nest on the floor or they may move to another part of the house entirely. Mostly they seem to relocate to one of the couches in our home. Since the kids roam, we have nightlights located in various rooms. By the way, the kids are not sleepwalking although Jill has done that in the past.

As you know, we recently adopted fish. The tank is located on a cabinet countertop in our family room. Behind the tank is an outlet in which a nightlight is plugged. We had every intention of removing this nightlight until we realized that the fish we adopted are afraid of the dark.

At the store we asked if we needed to keep the tank light on and were advised that not only did we not need to keep it on at night but that it might make some of the fish stressed and we should watch out for their comfort. Stressed? Fish swim endlessly with food dropped into their tank. What could they be stressed about? Do they have to worry about sending the kids to college or saving for their retirement? I paid their mortgage — well, my sister paid their mortgage but I paid for the landscaping!

So we watched for signs of stress but the fish swam happily with the light on. But turn the light off and they dash for the back of the tank where the nightlight is. Turn the tank light back on and the fish start to swim throughout the tank footage. Light off, back they dash, and they’re not nice about it either. They push and shove each other to get to the light first.

We started with kids that are afraid of the dark and have moved on to fish with the same problems. How do you explain to a fish that there are no monsters under the bed? Jill thinks a more important problem they have is where to go potty, but that’s another subject entirely.

 Jill had her 8^th birthday.  Time does go by quick.

Jill has been asking for a pet. She wants a cat but my hubby is allergic to them. Hubby wants a dog but the kids don’t seem too excited about dogs. Jack wants a turtle. Someone, we don’t know who, mentioned fish and the kids got excited. Since we didn’t respond right away by going to the pet store, Jill decided to put in a good word with my sister. You know, the one with the crazy dog.

My sister calls one day and says, “Jill wants a pet fish. Can I get her fish and a tank for her birthday?” I told her the decision would be my hubby’s since he would be the one to clean the tank. He acquiesced and off to the store we went. 

The kids were very excited when they found out they were getting fish. Now, I know this was for Jill’s birthday but when you have more than one child the fish become a family thing. So we looked at tanks. We were going to get a 20-gallon tank until the salesperson explained the pros to going with a 30-gallon tank. Since we decided to go with a bigger tank, we told my sister we would cover over the $100 she was originally planning to spend. Of course we had to decorate the tank so Jill found a really cool castle at only $67. Cha-ching. We looked at using sand instead of rock but the cost was going to be about $50 for the amount of sand we needed versus $10 for the rock.  Rock it is! Cha-ching. Oh, yeah, we have to get plants and some shells. Cha-ching. Thank goodness we went with a tank that came with a heater, light, etc. 

We went to pick out fish and found out that you have set up your tank and let it “settle” before you can get fish then you add the fish slowly. Now, we would be coming back for fish the next few weekends. How convenient!

Now, at some point in this scenario I got excited about having fish. Enough so that I considered making the leap from freshwater fish to saltwater. Yes, we’re beginners. My hubby and I had only had goldfish in the past, but hey, saltwater fish are pretty. So we went to another store that had lots of pretty fish. In fact, they had the cast of Finding Nemo! The kids and I went nuts!  “Look!  It’s Nemo!”  “Hey, there’s Dory!”  “Mom!  It’s the guy that cleans Nemo!” 

As we ogled the cast of characters, my husband kept saying, “I think we should stick with the other fish. These guys are harder to care for.” But we ignored the man. We ignored him until I saw the price of Nemo and friends. The cheapest fish was $35 and the prices rose steeply from there. I did some quick calculations in my head and then crushed my children’s desires. “There is NO way I’m paying that much money for FISH!” Yes, they were disappointed but they’ll get over it. Hey, they’re lucky they’re getting the freshwater fish!

So the tank settled and we went back to the store to spend more money. We bought four fish and some food and will go back for more fish in a few days.

Now we have to choose names. I’m thinking we should name them: Cash, Credit, Sucker and I’m Going To Ring My Sister’s Neck.

 I’ve decided to call the kids Jack and Jill. There’s no big reason other than those are the names that suit my kids for purposes of this blog.

Jill wants an Ipod. She’s been trying to talk me into getting a new one for myself and giving her my current one so that she can have my music loaded already but she hasn’t yet convinced me. 

She approached me the other night with an idea. “Can we sell Jack for medical experiments and use the money to buy an Ipod?” Now, if you haven’t guessed already, our family’s sense of humor is a bit flippant, so I replied, “Well, he would be worth more than you.” To which she said, “Yeah, he’s so small and cute!” Now that’s a loving sister for you.

There’s something special about kids wanting to please their parents. Even when they are going through phases such as constantly saying, “I hate you” or throwing tantrums and such, they still, ultimately, want their parents’ approval.

Recently I went shopping with a friend and bought some clothes for myself. When I got home I told my husband, “I got some things for you. Would you like to see them?” My son said, “I want to see!” and when I pulled out the clothes he said, “That’s girls’ clothes!” I realized that he thought I meant that I had literally bought something for my husband and was confused by the fact that they were girl’s clothes. I explained that I bought the clothes to look nice for Daddy and that when you love someone you try to look nice for them. At that point he looked at me and asked, “Do I look nice?” With my heart melting, I said, “Yes, honey. You look wonderful.”

That’s what love is all about.